People are so afraid of pain.
Since we were young we associate it with something BAD.
Suffering is also bad. We want Happiness instead.
Boredom is bad. We want Excitement.
Everything is correlated and yet we hope to extract a certain feeling or sensation from a box and live it forever.
And even if we do, it's never enough.
Something's missing.

We are flawed creatures.
Until we learn what we must learn.
I am not gonna say what that is, because truth be told I do like seeing people as being forever not satisfied.
It's amusing and cruel.

I've always enjoyed playing with both extreme masochists or sadists.
Their explosion of emotions were interesting to see.
You may call me harsh but I am rather well composed. And Stable.
And Strict. And forever judging and analysing. And LOOKING.
I love to look at people.
To see right through them.
Only a few ones are indeed unique.
The rest are just patterns that keep on dividing.
Their core is empty. They don't know themselves.
So therefore are so predictable and easy to abuse.
Forever victims.

Rarely some unique gems appear.
I look and I see something that isn't quite right.
Like an error in a system.
Someone that said my PAIN is gonna be different.
And he's wired in complex wounds and thoughts and beliefs.
And underneath it all lays something strange.
Almost demented.
And I'm looking and smilling.
''Oh, you adorable little freak.
Gotcha.''

How Did it all Start?
I am not sure.

Maybe, perhaps since ever.
It's been there. This Thing. This Desire of getting into people's Minds.
Thoughts. Heads. Souls?!
If you Control the mind, can you control the Soul as well?
Is the MIND the soul of a person?
I'm a Cynical Person I will say YES,YES,YES.
Once I'm there, you're mine.

We live in a world in which this craft is considered Dangerous.
Because.. well. It is.
We Enjoy the idea of Free will.
Of Falling in love.
Of Making decissions based on our DESIRES.
But are we really free?
Are our thoughts really our own?
Did we actually decide who to love, or did the other person decide this for us? Were we framed? Betrayed? Played with?
Yes. To some extent yes.
Scared?
Good.

Sapiosexuality. Logical Thinking. Maybe even Psychopathy.
My Curiosity was triggered by something and It demanded answers.
I've found them but all I've did will forever be immoral.
It's not like I've ever planned to become a therapist despite my huge interest in psychology.
Yet somehow everything seemed incomplete.
Peak of the iceberg.
But I did.

I was very interested in the idea of Free Will.
Can mind control and a level of mental sadism destroy free will?
Can it really be controlled by someone else?
Yes it's possible.

I'm very sure others found ways to control others.
Yet No one really at my level because I can tell when someone can.
It's a rare capacity because it does require a huge level of experience plus it's a natural skill I might add also.

When I've realised I had it...
Hmm I've spent my childhood basically telling people what's gonna happen to them next. How their action/flaws will make them do a certain thing and get to a certain point.
I was also very Perceptive of people's flaws and darkest desires.
This allowed me to have a certain POWER of course over the person whose thoughts I could easily predict judging by their flaws/reactions/interests. It wasn't so hard. Predictable actually.

But Free Will obsessed me.
I supposed I've tested the idea of breaking Free Will with my own subs/slaves. They were into mind control, emotional masochism and like most, believed it's impossible.
So perfect candidates.
I didn't want them to believe it's possible.
I've wanted to show them it is.
I've even told them what they're gonna end up Doing simply Because I told them So.
They laughed. I laughed much later.

In BDSM the idea of losing control is considered exciting.
The idea of losing All Control tho is scary.
Yet some crave it until it happens to them.
In that case, well, I don't care for the consequences.

Some submissives are really into Hypnosis.
I've done some of my reading.
Interesting.
But I WOULDN'T CALL what I'm doing as hypnosis.
I'd call it as something Much Worse.
Yet I do believe I can achieve what a professional can achieve with hypnosis in psychotherapy.
Which is.. like I enjoy calling it. digging deeper into a person's psyche.
Even replacing some memories with new ones.
Or putting traps there.

Just.. Don't expect me to do it like everybody else.
Nothing is predictable about me.
And the way I do Mind control and BDSM are VERY different.
Let's say.... you're starting to Get it.
When you are already so deeply trapped into my web that there's no way to get out of it.
And even so:
- It's not WHAT you think
- That's not HOW I'm doing it
- It feels familiar but it's not
- What you Think and think that you Think about me and yourself It's what I've tricked you into thinking.

I Really am beyond Twisted.

keeping THIS in mind should...help you.
But in fact it won't.

Blackmail is about letting go.
Of going into this situation in which you no longer control your life anymore but are a toy, a puppet in someone's hands.
If those hands belong to a beautiful woman, even more so.
You feel weak, and sweaty and sleep bad at night.
But the excitement is there. You no longer belong to yourself.
Your life, your job, your worries are all gone, all you have to worry is HER and wonder what she'll do next.
And day by day you hope, it's gonna be something worse.
Something terrible. Something that can finally ruin you.
Because that would be ecstatic.

I'm writing this so accurate thinking of a certain someone.
Was I offered someone's life just like that before?
YES. Many times.

And as looking into their eyes I saw a spark, a madness, a desperation that craved real damage.
It excited me knowing they are offering this to ME.
Knowing how Mean I can really be.
How strategic. Logical. How twisted.
But then again that was the point.
Why would you offer everything to someone common?
You want her to be Mean and Extraordinary.
You want her to Ruin lives for fun.

With my high heels and my business outfit. I am talking to my lawyer.
Middle aged guy. Single. Prone to submission.
Would kill for me if asked. But I've never asked.
He knows what I do. He finds it extraordinary. Hot. Amazing.
I am no longer a damaged little sexual girl. I am a Lady in a suit.
A woman that knows what She is and forever will be.
Everything that I do is legal. Cruel but legal.

If a male craves to ruin himself for me. Entirely. Totally. And live at my mercy. I will find a legal way for that to happen.
Because I know what THIS is about.
I was put on someone's will.
I have no problem talking someone's house, car, money legally on a contract. And leaving him on the street or hearing him beg me to let him stay in a house that no longer is HIS. But that belongs to me.

People see blackmail as some silly contract in which under some suspicious conditions you're being threatened and fucked.
I see it differently. I see it as PURE POWER.
I've asked you to Degrade yourself lower than a dog for me and you've did it. I've used the law against you and have you fucked for life.
All you've ever owned is Mine.
Just like it should be.
This is not a game. This is REAL. And didn't you know REALITY hurts?
Good.

Years ago I wrote about Emotional Blackmail.

How I can make someone basically DO WHATEVER I WANT him to,  cause he fears I might break him into pieces emotionally.
Plus the thought of not obeying me scares him to death
And makes him feeling like he doesn't want to live anymore.

I talked about the Connection between an Emotional Sadist and an Emotional Masochist. One in which the Sadist Can DO absolutely what She pleases with her victim cause her victim if he refuses to obey suffers immensely emotionally till the point of agony/insanity.

Emotional Sadism is a dangerous craft.
One that I do enjoy Badly.
I enjoy doing whatever I want with you and limiting you to be a toy, nothing, a furniture, whatever I please. Turning you even into an animal if I find that amusing.
Seeing you cry. Broken. Knowing that you can't sleep well at night cause of me.
Cruelty appeals to me. And it's Above many silly fantasies that some subs might have.

Many Don't get Blackmail as a Fetish because they focus on the sub's desires/fantasies. I get it cause I focus on MY desires.
The sub is a toy, an object, someone that craves me.
Not the other way around.
And if he craves me enough He might actually get what he always wanted.
Total and complete ruin and destruction. While screaming my name forever.

Only a little girl can assume that She belongs to a male and not the other way around, that he will always belong to her.
If Only she was willing to take him.

Coco Chanel used to say that as long as you know that men are children you know everything about men.
A quote that does indeed apply.

As getting older a woman understands her role more and more.
It becomes clear and she feels calm about everything.
Society will push a woman to be forever a teenager because only then she is a toy. A sexy little girl craving a male's attention.
Once she gets wise tho, she realises that they're the ones craving our attention in fact.

I've lived my life always doing What I shouldn't be doing.
Risking things. Breaking preconceptions.
Saying to people ''I can't do that? Just watch me!''
There's this Fire inside me that knows what I am and that never listens to anyone else's opinion.

That FIRE breaks people's will.
Because I am not here to live in your world I am here to make up my own.

Many women will hate men. Dislike them. Find them as being this and that. But I won't.
Men were loyal to me as dogs. They were excellent servants.
They were the ones seeing me as a GOD way before I saw it myself.
They looked into my eyes and saw that FIRE and told me with that I can break the world. And that I should.
I don't love men. They love me. Exactly how it should be.

In a society that still doesn't get how men or women work.
Why they can't get along. And what is indeed sexuality.
I sit on a chair, look, and laugh.
To me it's been clear for years.
Men really, really want to be useful to me. To build an empire for me just cause I told them so. To kneel because that's their proper position.
Funny thing is, when males sense you DO GET THEM, even without you speaking, they immediately get into a submissive mood.
It's not magic. It's simply something wired into their sexuality.

I've never planned to understand men. I've wanted to understand Myself and their reaction to me. In that long process of self discovery that took years I can now finally look into the mirror and LOVE absolutely everything that I see, everything that I am and all that I can become.
I am S. You're gonna love me.

Sin is terrible.. Sin is in LUST.
And it HURTS like madness.
After hearing my female friend ''You can't possible wear that!''
I get dressed with this short school girl skirt, high knee socks and put on a pair of high heels shoes.
A white office shirt completed the look. I had to look elegant. I had an exam at the University!
''Are you out of your goddamn mind, you can't possible wear that!''
Truth be told I didn't actually study. I was partying too much during that time. Plus men were kind of occupying my mind during that time also.
I was teasing, flirting and playing with fire too much.

I go at my exam and everybody gives me THIS LOOK.
Which of course makes me laugh badlly.

It wasn't the first time on which I've decided to wear something ''strange''
One time I came at an exam wearing leather from head to toe.
This dominant teacher was giving an exam back then and he treated girls terrible so I appeared wearing just leather and simply put my boots on the desk and smiled looking at him.
What was he gonna do, expel me?
Oh, How Scary! I'm shaking!

I see him approaching me and giving me this look.. confused yet analysing me. I look at him like ''I know you can't do anything about it''
And I see him break out of character. He's kind, he's gentle, he's talking politely to me asking me how I am, like a kitten.
I have this sadistic pleased grin on my face while the whole class looks at me like WTF Did just happen?
I pass the exam with a straight A. No I didn't even study for it.
He provided the answers to me like ''Don't you think the answer is this one...'' Me''I suppose.'' While the whole class SEES this and can't freaking believe what's happening.

Dressing in Fetish alike clothes that can mentally Mindfuck men has always kind of been my thing.
Everybody is a pervert when doors close.
And those that deny it, are 100% victims to Me.

I don't like to make it Easier for men because I ENJOY seeing them break out of character, squirming, shaking and hating themselves and their Lust.
It's amusing for me. Despite how much they're suffering deep down.
Once you want me I can do whatever I want with you.
You become my toy, and WHO you are in society doesn't matter to me.
All I care about is to see you shaking and to push you on the floor on your knees where you belong. You become nothing once I have that power over you.

This scared people as SEEING things like this Live.
Because to them that MAN meant something.
His profession, his intelligence, his power.
But to me?  He is nothing.
And I sure love to shock people daily showing them this.

''How do men even manage to stay sane if they're near you?''
-I'm pretty sure they're suffering daily.

Woman Sexuality has always been such a strong tool that no wonder most women feared their own power.
I've never did. I've always exploited it for my own benefit.

You know that moment when a male is near to explode, he's shaking, looking at you, filled with lust, insane, waiting for a sign that he can finally have you?
Almost thinking he won, it's just a few seconds keeping him apart from taking his prize?
And you look at him , trembling, faking a blush, looking deep into his eyes.
And say ''You'll never have me.''
That's ME. I'm that Woman.

Can you imagine How much they hate me?
They'd gladly rip the meat out of my bones if it stopped their agony.

But they can't. They need permission to touch me. To hurt me. To do anything to me really. Touching me without my permission feels like breaking something beautiful, terrible yet that keeps them alive.
So THEY BEG.
While I laugh. And slowly touch my warm thigh.
Then my red lips open and with a nervous voice I say ''I don't think so.''
So they beg more. They're nearly crying.
They're on the floor. Their hands on their face, In agony. Calling me The Devil.I look one more time at THAT MOMENT and leave.
I leave him all alone there. On his knees.

My head's filled with memories of men hating me yet wanting me like insane. Men that tried to destroy me just hoping, for a few seconds, for a moment in their life, I'd trip, I'd fall and they'd be right there, to catch me and have me. Like this savage beast that finally feeds on his prize.
But Beasts don't feed on other beasts. Silly boys !
With a Confident pervy smile and while looking so beautiful I always say ''What can you DO about it?''
It doesn't matter if he's a lawyer, a wealthy business man, my Boss, if he runs a freaking country, ''What can you do about it?''
They can't. It's that simple.

Some sick minds. will say. FORCE.
And I'll laugh. Men don't want me by Force. That's the whole idea.
They want to win. Their lust will never be fulfilled by Force.
IF that would ever be real, I'd have been fucking dead by now, considering what kind of men I've met that didn't give a fuck about someone's life or morality.
Plus what kind of a male would dare ruin someone as Beautiful as Me?
I exist cause a Beast like me must thrive.
No one does it like me. Because they're all scared.
Women fear men. I don't.
They fear me. And WANT ME.

I have this snowflake necklace since ever.
It's handcrafted, it's beautiful, it's with crystals, it was bought especially for me.
Everybody that sees it LOVES IT and asks me Who gave it to me.
''A Very Masochistic Slave''
I say that like it's completely natural. Vanilla people can get shocked.
That jewelry piece has meaning to me.
I've always loved winter. I am born on 5 january.
Winter makes me feel like the Coldhearted Bitch that I am.
Wrapped in furs or in beautiful clothes. Observing, judging, analysing yet never getting truly involved. Because deep down I really don't care.
I don't care about anyone but Myself.

The male that gave me that necklace knew that.
That's why he called me Ice Queen and found me the most beautiful snowflake jewelry for me to wear.
Perhaps.. he knew me the best.
He felt my coldness as he was sleeping on the floor or worse near the door of my room yet never getting the chance to touch me.
His heart broke when I threw his red roses in the bin and asked him to take the garbage out afterwards.
He knew how easily replaced he was when I was flirting with other men.
He felt it, he knew it, he saw it, what he means to me which was nothing.
He could experience it live.
And that feeling cut deeply into him, like dozens of knives were stabbing his heart  with each of my cold glance.
''You are what I say you are. ''

I knew he could barely sleep, I knew he worked 2 jobs like a maniac just to please me and to be capable to give me all the gifts I've wanted.
I knew I was everything to him.
I could easily see no one existed in his mind but ME.
I was always there even when I was ignoring his calls, messages and dating other men. And he FEARED what I could do next.
That terrible Feeling of knowing the woman that means everything to you can vanish the next day if she's not pleased.
Which I did. But I kept the Jewelry.

I am sentimental when it comes to jewelry.
I keep them organised I KNOW who gave them to me and I know WHY also. I love it when my female friends ASK where they are from.
I love to say they are ALL from SLAVES.

Slaves that Starve for me. That struggle to please me. That Live just for me. Men that mean nothing to me yet that see me as their God. Their everything. That are in love with me.

I've always said that men are accessories.
I know that I am Selfish, I know that I live my life Strictly For Myself.
I can't imagine nor did I ever understood how women can give themselves to men, how can they afford to suffer for them, or worse find a meaning in men.
I've simply never been that person.
I USE men and in best case scenario Enjoy them for a while.
But that's it. I don't really care in the sense to ever put them above me, or above my selfish interest.
I ADORE GETTING MY WAY. BEING PLEASED.
MEN exist for that purpose. I can't see them as something else.

All men must adore me. Please me. Buy me dinner. Give me gifts.
Show their devotion and masochistic desire to get closer to me.
Applies to everybody.
They get the message that's why I shower in jewelry and get my way.

When I walk into a place filled with men I make sure they get the message from my posture, way of being that I'm a real ColdHearted Bitch and that it amuses me to see them squirm and crawl at me.
Even the strongest get tempted.
Because I am delicious even in my cruelty.
And I make all men feel defeated. Without any exception.
How exciting!

What was it even about?
The money?
The power?
Getting to this moment.. and strange it all Ends and Begins here.

''No one ever rejected me. No man ever said No to me.
All Loved me. No matter what I did to them.
No one ever forgot me.
All of them were stucked with my memory forever.
Comparing me with every woman they've met, afterwards.''

It would have been simple. Wouldn't it?

NO. I don't WANT YOU. No I don't Desire you.
No I don't wanna lick the ground that you walk on.
No I don't wanna be a Slave for you if that's what it takes being near you.

But No one Could.
As looking into their eyes they were Trembling. Nervous. Horny. Filled with a Desire that was driving them insane.
I wanted to say it's my looks, my body, something purely physical but It would have been such a stupid lie.
It's Something more than that, Something more terrible.
They crave for something that exists deep inside of me and that not even they can explain.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS. But I don't wanna Share.
I don't even want to be touched.
I want to be watched and to see them dying for it.

''Because if they HAD YOU. The magic would be gone?''
NO. It's worse if I touch them. Much worse.
For others Sex is a hobby. For me it's My life. Myself. Everything that I am. You might say it's my biggest passion.
Sex is MYSELF. I ooze sex appeal no matter how much I try to hide it.
I could be dressed as a nun and still could corrupt the most innocent male on the planet.
Because what I have, it's Terrible.

''When will you Stop seeing yourself as just a Woman?
You know you are more than that. Much more. ''
-I Do.

''What Do you want?''
He's a Lawyer, a well known Doctor, a Politician,An international business man, he runs casinos in 3 countries, it doesn't matter in the end what a man does as long as he's a man, right?
-He's Crying on his Knees in front of me.
He's asking me to Stop this. To let him live without me.
And I'm watching Smilling and I simply can't say NO, You're Free.
I don't want them to be Free. Plus there's no Escape.
This is for Life.

She's thinking that I should create an Army.
An army of drooling men that can't think, breathe, live, unless I told them to. But will that actually make me Happy?

I've seen so many Men telling me To take Everything from Them.
Houses, money, all they represented.
To Hurt them. To turn them into nothing.
To Use them.
This followed me everywhere, almost like a Curse, no matter in which country I was living or running away.
When I would refuse to Use them they would Self Destruct.
Like Me Accepting them Was the Only thing that Mattered anymore for them in their Lives. Like anything besides THIS is useless.
'' Is this what THIS POWER does? ;''
- Perhaps.

''What's Next?''
I wanna see the world burn.

-Tell me.
''NO''
-Why not?
''You would just use it against them.''
-Oh, Like I am using it now?
''Exactly''
-I wanna believe you, I really do, but I can't, you know why?
Because even you can't say NO to me. Reject me if you can.
Do it. Tell me you don't want me. Can you?
''I'm human. I'm also attracted to things that are bad for me.''
-So it's fair to assume that no matter how strong spiritually you are, how badly you want to become this living saint, you simply can't say NO to me? A woman that knows 10% about spirituality by comparison to you?
Someone weaker, spiritually speaking.
''You're not weaker, that's the problem.You're very gifted.''
-But I am not Good. I am Evil.
''Still Very Strong. And not entirely Evil. Just partially.''
-Do you fear me?
''Yes.''
-Do you fear the fact that deep down you are attracted to me?
''Yes. I hate it.''
-Well that makes you like every male out there despite what you learn, how many people you help, whatever you accomplish in this life.
''If you take it that way, yes I am just a man.''
-And what am I?
''I can't tell you.''
-Why not?
''You'd use it to burn the world to the ground.''
-You think I can't without KNOWING IT exactly.
''You can. But it's better for you to not know why.''
-Because I'd do it faster.
''Perhaps.''

Looking at this male, knowing how much he prayed for me, helped me selflessly, seeing him following his path to better things yet falling so deep into something he can't handle.
''I had a dream about you.
You manifested in my dream as a Vampire Queen.
You were so beautiful and inviting me to get closer to you.
Seducing me, and when I wanted to get closer, I saw your fangs.

-And did you get closer? Did we kiss?
''No, I got scared. I just kept my distance while looking at you.''
-What does that dream mean?
''That I'm really scared of you.''
-Oh, I am aware of that.