All my life my eyes have been black and intense.
Witches as seeing me when I was little would make the cross sign, get closer to me, smile and and ask me if I am aware of my power. The damage that I'm gonna do to men. The wilderness in my soul.
They'd tell me that I'm rare and special and smile as looking at me in the eyes. Gypsies are not people to submit. Not those women especially.
They look at you and try to SENSE your fear. Your disgust.
And yet with me they always were in awe and called me Beautiful.
''You're gonna be even more beautiful, cause so much damage. They're gonna love you but you're not gonna love them.
You're meant to be something scary. ''
When I was little I had migraines. Terrible ones.
I recall one day being just 9 year old and having such a strong pain. My head was killing me. I nearly cried. I felt so exhausted, so drained.
The pain didn't stop. It was there. consuming me.
This old woman that's a very distant relative on mine took me in her arms fast. She hugged me and told me to stop. To relax. 'Forget everything and close your eyes''
I felt her soft delicate fingers touching my forehead and heard her mumbling some words I couldn't understand.
It didn't take long and the pain vanished.And never returned. It was over. Like nothing ever existed.
'''Take care of yourself. What you have is wanted.But be aware that it's very strong. Never look at someone in the eyes with anger unless you really want to hurt him. You're stronger than you think.''
I've never listened. How could I?
Who doesn't want to be God.
''You're gonna be dead on your birthday. Wait for it. I've put people to look for you. I know where you live. I know what you do. People are watching you. I'm coming after you and I'm gonna kill you. You can't escape from this.''
-How intriguing. Do you really know what I'm doing. How I feel about you? Everything?
''Yes. I've spent a lot of money for that''
-I'll be waiting for you then. On my birthday. Knock on my door I will open.
I knew something he didn't. I knew that he loved me. I knew if he would ever see me and and look at me he'd fall into his knees into the most warmest embrace. And cry.
I knew this because he was once mine. And that he'd never ever stop being so. Or belong to a woman like he belonged to me.
I knew him better than he knew himself.
He was transparent to me. And so so hurt.
He wanted me for life but it was consuming him so much. I had to let him go. For that he wanted me dead. But I knew by saying that he was declaring a love that will never vanish.
I knew he couldn't even touch my hand if I said SIT.
He'd fall at the ground and wait for me to tell him to get up.
He was so connected to me. He only lived for me.
Now he had to live for himself.
He returned after a few years. Telling me that he changed in any possible way. That he became so rich, so powerful. And that he didn't stop thinking of me for a second.
I told him: I know.
''I so much love you still.''
Fragility, innocence, being mine in ways you've never thought as being possible. I live to corrupt.
I've never managed to hold myself and not doing it when meeting the right person. It was like eating the most exotic fruit ever. So rare, so blissful.
When I met her she already Knew me and desired me. Just because she read me. Yet never saw me.
I've had to play this game. I made her like me.. before her knowing she liked me for years..Then when I told her the truth she was scared yet excited. ''I've never even kissed a person.. not to mention more''
-Did I hear that right? I must of gone nuts.
''Why do I want you? Do I want what's not good for me?''
-You want me because I'm exciting. I want you because it excites me to know that you're gonna be all mine.And everybody after me will have to compete with that.
She was scared yet lustful. Provoking me.
''Maybe I'd run''
-Maybe I'm gonna make you scream of pain once I grab you.
''You want to hurt me?''
-I want you to scream my name while moaning
'What if I resist?''
-It's gonna make me want you more
''And what do you do when that happens?
-I take what's mine.