I saw this behavior everywhere. From male teachers, random strangers, to priests ( I'm catholic).
So it didn't surprise me much that while I was sitting at this table enjoying a cup of coffee with a male friend, I noticed him acting strange all of a sudden. Trembling and looking at me with a strange spark in his eyes.
I soon realized what got into him when he started telling me :
''You know what I really want to do? I want to get on my knees, get under this table get closer to you lift abit your skirt, spread your thighs and lick you until I can't feel my mouth anymore. I dream about this ever since I met you. I can't help it. ''
We were sitting at opposite sides of the table. Our hands never touched. His role was clear from the begining. He had to be of service to me with whatever I may ask. And just that. More like he was an executioner, an object. Nothing more.
''Excuse me , you do know that I'm a pervert. I can barely hold myself.''
- I do.Which is why I picked you. Perverts are obedient servants.
Was my coldness necessarily? Yes it was.
Words like ''SIT'' ''Behave' ''NO'' ''DO IT'' became normal to me.
I would use them more and more and time wasn't working in my favor.
I was blooming. Getting more beautiful, more sexual.
Everything got exaggerated. Their behavior, the way they looked at me, their actions so there wasn't really much that I could do, if I was the object of their desire I had to punish them for it.
Their sexual intensity became their own nightmare.
I could easily predict when they felt a huge LUST for me. They became passive aggresive, expressed emotions they didn't really feel yet that made them hurt.
It didn't matter what I wore or how I behaved. Something in me attracted them. Like Satan itself poured something on me and there was nowhere I could run, they'd come after me.
While all of this felt in the begining like scary I soon realised the POWER I had. I could do everything I wanted to them because while horny they couldn't think, breathe, sleep, live. Without their Fix they'd be ruined.
And I was their Fix. What shocked me was that it wasn't my body they were after. It was something more rooted. Way deep. DEEP into their psyche and in the darkest aspects of male psychology.
Because there wasn't anything in this world to make me let a male have any kind of power over me, they were nuts. Angry. Even more lustful. This is what they sensed all along.
That I don't accept to give myself to anyone. No matter what.
Because they were my victims, not me theirs.
Their bodies, souls, minds belonged to me not the other way around.
For that I was terrible.
A man's LOVE is destructive.
If passionately in love. He's passionately hateful also.
You can't have it another way.
That's why I often found myself in the position of a Princess. With a man offering the world at her feet. With a huge house at my disposal. And that man willing to do everything for me. Acting worse than a slave. Willing and actually kissing the ground that I walk on.
With a terrible price tho.
''I would kill for you,my darling''
Just like that. Like killing is a normal act.
Like jealousy is that sane.
So I cheated.
His world broke and ended then. I saw a monster screaming defeat.
But as he was looking at me I saw again LUST.
And It got bigger because now it was filled with HATE.
The hate of losing control, of having such a fragile heart that was stabbed and bleeding, the hate of being just a man..
In front of the object of your desire. Your queen. Your everything that can so easily make you wanna die.
Truth is.. there really isn't something that I enjoy as much as male lust.
It's very powerful and destructive. And they don't seem to understand much of it neither. Because they would jump to put the world at the feet of the woman that would step on them in 2 seconds.
And not only that. But everything they are and have.
And the problem?
They would always return for round 2.
That's why male sexuality is purely masochistic.